"Time heals what reason cannot" - Seneca
The bottom dropped out....and I haven't been able to find the words to explain or to make sense of it. Where are those words? I pray to find them every day. I pray for a lot of things every day.
I pray for understanding and compassion and clarity and forgiveness and answers and strength. I find pieces of those things from time to time but it doesn't seem to be enough. I try to hold tight to those pieces but they slip through my fingers like sand. I need more. Maybe that is the answer...I just needed more.
But why? Can someone please tell me why?!
Most days I feel like I'm standing still in one spot and the world is moving at warp speed around me. So I try to move and I only seem to spin in the same spot until I get dizzy and fall down. Luckily someone always seems to pick me up and stand me upright. Maybe those are angels....they feel like angels.
So I stand, with tears in my eyes, pain in my chest and the realization that my heart has failed me. How can you ever get passed that thought? How can you move forward from there?
The consensus is Time...
Please wake me up when Time has passed and Life Happens again...
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Aw lady...this post is so sad. So raw and real. That old saying "follow your heart" isn't necessarily true. Following your heart implies following your emotions and feelings, which are flighty. they go up and down and change. If we follow our emotions and feelings, they will always let us down. The only sure thing to follow that will NEVER fail us is to follow Christ. To follow the plans that He has laid out for our lives, to live following HIS commandments. To make our desires the same as His. I don't believe love comes naturally, I believe the beginning of love is emotional, and in order to make it last, to make it work, you have to make a decision to love. To love when you "feel" you can't. To love when love is not earned or deserved. To love when love is an impossible feeling...the only option is simply to make the choice to love. I thank Jesus every day that He doesn't love me the way I love others. I am unloveable, I don't return His love the way He deserves, I am not worthy of His time or effort or anything He so graciously pours out on me. I am just thankful that He chooses to continue to love me. I hope you find the answers you're looking for and I am praying for you and your family all the time. xoxo
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