Life Happens

Begendings

2012-02-10T13:07:00.000-08:00

"What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from."
- T.S. Eliot

I find myself at an end. An end of many things, the end of life as I know it. I don't have all my questions answered but I know that from here I will always be different. The good and the bad of my past I will carry in my heart and no doubt it will shape my future. Am I damaged because of it? Yes. Am I more complete because of it? Yes. Maybe I am a little worse and a little better for it. Because I've loved and I've lost...I've learned.

The end is lonely and petrifying and unfamiliar. Yet there is a tiny peace within it. I know that I don't want what has always been familiar yet I fear the unknown in a huge unimaginable way. Where will I find the strength to move forward from here? I can't go back but I don't know how to move forward either. My sadness paralyzes me and holds me at the end. The ache in my heart for where I have been, what I have done, what I have lost and that which I have given up makes it impossible to let go. Though I know letting go, is the only way to begin to dull that ache and pain in my heart and repair the damage. I need to let go...

I miss so many things and yet I want to forget so many things. Change is what I know I need but its unwelcome at the same time. I won't make the same mistakes again, but I'll probably make different ones. Will I be ok? Will I learn to forgive myself and others? That's all I want. I want to feel that peace again. The peace of knowing you are where you are supposed to be and you are who you are supposed to be. I don't even remember what that feels like anymore.

So I find myself at an end. A devastating end. And yet I forget that after the end always comes a beginning. So I begin to realize I am also at a beginning. The beginning. It too is lonely and petrifying and unfamiliar, yet in a tiny, barely recognizable way.....its thrilling! While I may never stop hurting or aching from my past, I get to start over. I get to change. I get to move on. I get to let go. I can be whoever I want from here. A new beginning. All I have to do is take a step forward. And I know I must go it alone, no pushing or pulling from anyone. Just strength of my own will and heart to move on.

To my past, goodbye. I'll miss you. I'll hate you. I'll cherish you. And I'll learn from you. Your memories will always be with me but I am leaving you behind. This is the end of you. This is the end of you and I. This is the end.

To my future, hello. I don't know you yet, but I'd like to. I might be shy at first but I ache for the changes you will bring me. Please be kind and I don't break me. I need you. I need you to breathe life into this new beginning. This is the start of us and our beginning. This is the beginning.

So here's to the fear and the hope in the moment when Life Happens to end and begin. May I find that peace I'm searching for soon enough...

(To my loved ones, friends and dear hearted strangers who have followed me along the way, I wanted to let you know that this will be my last post on this blog. This too has come to an end. So if you would still like to read my words, and I hope you do, please go to my new blog: http://mandyslifehappensagain.blogspot.com/ And please be patient, as my heart and my new blog are still under construction. But I promise my new beginning will bring life to it soon enough. Thank you for being a part of it.)

Time...

2011-07-15T10:27:00.000-07:00

"Time heals what reason cannot" - Seneca

The bottom dropped out....and I haven't been able to find the words to explain or to make sense of it. Where are those words? I pray to find them every day. I pray for a lot of things every day.

I pray for understanding and compassion and clarity and forgiveness and answers and strength. I find pieces of those things from time to time but it doesn't seem to be enough. I try to hold tight to those pieces but they slip through my fingers like sand. I need more. Maybe that is the answer...I just needed more.

But why? Can someone please tell me why?!

Most days I feel like I'm standing still in one spot and the world is moving at warp speed around me. So I try to move and I only seem to spin in the same spot until I get dizzy and fall down. Luckily someone always seems to pick me up and stand me upright. Maybe those are angels....they feel like angels.

So I stand, with tears in my eyes, pain in my chest and the realization that my heart has failed me. How can you ever get passed that thought? How can you move forward from there?

The consensus is Time...

Please wake me up when Time has passed and Life Happens again...

Let It Be

2011-06-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

And when the brokenhearted people

Living in the world agree

There will be an answer, let it be

For though they may be parted

There is still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Yeah, there will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, yeah, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

And when the night is cloudy

There is still a light that shines on me

Shine on until tomorrow, let it be

I wake up to the sound of music

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Yeah, let it be, let it be

Let it be, yeah, let it be

There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, yeah, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be

Friends

2011-05-03T09:53:00.000-07:00

"I get by with a little help from my friends." - John Lennon

To all of my beloved friends that enrich my life everyday....the words just don't do it justice, but thank you.

Thank you for making me laugh, for letting me cry, for pushing me to be better and for allowing me to be less. It's you who make me who I am and I'm so grateful.

Friends come in many shapes and sizes but not one less important than the next. For each of you bring something to my life and hold a place in my heart forever.

I wonder why old friendships have faded or when new ones will blossom. I'm saddened when we lose touch or grow apart but I know it is for a reason. Some friends are meant to be there for merely moments of your life and others you will always walk side by side with. But each person and friendship is remembered forever in my heart and has taught me things that I will always carry with me.

To old friends I've lost along the way, I remember you and I'm thankful we shared a world at one time, however long that may have been. And to my lifelong friends that never leave my side, I could not survive without you. You complete my life and fill my heart with happiness everyday. Our hearts will forever be entangled and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So remember that you are loved and appreciated beyond words. And I am forever indebted to you for all that you have given me.

Life Happens to throw you a handful of amazing people in your life and I will always be thankful and hold tight with both hands and a full heart.

Bright Side

2011-02-11T12:12:00.000-08:00

" Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow." - Helen Keller

Of all the lessons I've learned so far in my life (some learned the easy way, but most the hard way) I think the most important of all is to look at the bright side of things. Its just a fact of life that things aren't always going to go as planned and some days are just plain going to be screwed up beyond belief. But if you don't figure out how to roll with it, you'll miss out on all the fun that sneaks up on you in between the messes.

So this blog is dedicated to my dog Auto who teaches me something new everyday and reminds me all the time in all different ways to look at the bright side of things, because if I didn't I would probably lose my mind :)

So here's to Auto and what he has taught me along the way:

There is more than one way to skin a cat...or in this case, get a toy out of a bin. Sometimes you just have to think outside of the box (or rip the box apart starting from the side.)

Let loved ones in because it's always better to have a companion in the ride of life...even if they cramp your style sometimes or you don't always see eye to eye on things like who rides shotgun...

Never underestimate the importance of a good nights sleep (even if you have to steal someone's pillow to get it.)

Surround yourself with loved ones because when you do, everyday feels like a welcome home party...sometimes there is even confetti (or what looks suspiciously like pieces of the ball you bought yesterday).

So try your best to see the good in all situations because otherwise you'll just end up broke, miserable, tired and lonely. Life is good and there is something to be happy about everyday, you just have to look for it and let yourself smile about it no matter what!

(And if that doesn't work, get yourself a dog and you'll learn really quick not to let things get you down when Life Happens to surprise you). :)

Faith

2010-11-18T12:28:00.000-08:00

"Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies." - Mother Teresa

To my broken hearted friend,

I know that the world seems to have crumbled around you and your heart must ache more than you ever thought possible but this letter is to tell you that it is all going to be ok...if you just keep your faith.

I know that you are going to have moments where it seems impossible and pointless to keep trying but remember that you are never alone and all you have to do is ask when you need a little help or a push start.

Don't think too much about the big stuff...just focus on one little thing at a time and then slowly move up to one day at a time. And eventually it will turn into one week and even one month at a time that you can handle.

You've never really known your own strength, but I have. And you are plenty strong enough to make it through. I promise you that. And remember I am always here to pick up the slack on the hard parts.

Don't lose your faith in the world or in yourself and most importantly don't lose your faith in love. It truely does conquer all and it will prevail. It may not be tomorrow or next week or even next year, but in the end I promise it will.

I love and care about you more than these words could ever say, and I have faith in you and your strength so far beyond what you can see in yourself right now. So trust me when I say that you are going to be just fine.

So here is to having faith and trusting in God that Life Happens just the way it is supposed to happen, even when you can't see why.

Your,
Forever Friend

Diet Coke Snob

2010-09-22T11:16:00.000-07:00

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."

- Unknown

So...I guess I would have to consider myself a bit of a snob when it comes to anything I eat or drink. And its definitely not because I am super anal and picky (pick up on that sarcasm?) its just that I am generally very health conscious and spend most of my meals eating cardboard and water. So when I do decide to jump off that wagon and enjoy some not-so-healthy food and beverage, I want it to be well worth it and taste just how I like it! If I'm gonna do it, then I'm gonna do it right! (And yes I am aware of my horrible dieting skills, moderation is not a word I comprehend).

Now that you understand where I am coming from I'll explain my stupidity that arose a few nights ago...

So its Sunday night and I have some oh-so-delicious and unhealthy chinese food to eat that my wonderful H ordered. So of course I have to wash it down with a freezing cold crispy diet coke...right? And I LOVE my diet cokes, but I only drink a few a week and I like them to be a particular way (surprise surprise). They have to be icy cold and either out of a can or a fountain drink. I happen to have some cans on hand but they aren't in the refrigerator. Crap... I'm hungry and I just refuse to eat this chinese food without my freezing cold favorite diet bev!

Now what?

Ahhh...genius...I'll put it in the freezer!! So I ask my H how long he thinks it will take for my can to get cold without freezing? He says maybe 20 minutes. Sweet! I can wait that long to eat for sure. So I put my can right on the ice in the ice tray. Mmmm....its gonna be icy cold in no time!

Now your probably thinking....oh no she forgot about it and left in there. Nope....of course I remembered...I was hungry! So I get it out about 20 minutes later, pop that top and OH BABY its icy cold and perfect!! I dish up some orange chicken, fried rice, and an egg roll and go to town on my meal!! Delicious!!

But about half way through my meal...I think oh crap I might want a second diet coke, so no problem...I'll just pop another one in the freezer.....bad move. So I finish my plate...and go on with my lazy Sunday night enjoying my full belly. :) Ahhh bliss...

Then about 4 hours later around 10:30 pm as I'm vegging on the couch enjoying my recorded shows and thinking about heading up and hit the sac....yep, you guessed it...

KABOOM!!!

Notice the brown slush splattered all over and the whole top of the can missing.

So the answer to the question I posed earlier is....5 hours is too long to leave your diet coke in the freezer. Idiot!!

After I get up from hitting the deck (because I was sure a shot gun had just gone off) I realize it was that damn second can of diet coke!! Noooooo!!! So I creep over to the freezer and open the door to find a war zone of diet coke slushy on and in EVERYTHING!!!

FML.

So the moral of the story is...Life Happens...in the effing freezer if you leave your diet coke in there for 5 hours!!!!

Nemesis

2010-08-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
- Mae West

The dreaded ~~glorious~~ Friday doughnut...sigh...

Here we go again, its Friday, and I've worked so hard all we long to stick to my diet, work out, get the pounds to start coming off...and there they are just staring at me.....DOUGHNUTS!!!

Whhhyyyyyy?!

So this is what my plan is: I'll avoid them completely, eat only the healthy food I've brought for myself and it won't be a problem at all...easy breezy right?

YA RIGHT!!

This is what is really going to happen: I'm gonna think about them alllll day long, maybe walk by and open the box to look (and smell..mmmmm) once or twice, go over it and over it in my head whether its worth it or not, look up the nutrition facts multiple times online, consider eating just a bite, or maybe a half, talk myself out of it (repeat that cycle over and over again about 3,000 times) until the afternoon hits and its do or die...I'll have avoided them all day now...and one of two things will happen: I'll either take one (or two) really quick and shove it down my throat and enjoy my 30 seconds of blissful gluttony (then regret it immediately after for 3 days and kick myself for the heart burn and guilt it has caused) Or....I'll desperately drag myself away kicking a screaming without eating one and prevail!! (Not likely)

Ugh...Fridays are the WORST!!!

So as I sit here...in agony...I think I really am going to prevail this week because the problem is, if I have a doughnut...its never just a doughnut. It'll turn into a fattening sandwich for lunch, mexican food for dinner, skipping the Friday work out, a half assed healthy day Saturday and full blown off the wagon Sunday. Then I will feel alllll guilty and depressed and have to start all over again on Monday. And you know what happens a few days after Monday? Yep you guessed it...EFFING FRIDAY!!! (No wonder I never lose any weight).

And now I have realized...I just really can't touch the doughnuts...you know why? I've just figured it out...I can NEVER have another doughnut again in fact, if I want to EVER have a chance at dropping the lb's! Because, not only is the doughnut my Nemesis...but it is my GATEWAY DRUG!! It only leads to all kinds of other bad bad bad things!!

I must quit!! Cold turkey!! How does one live in a life without doughnuts?!

So five minutes has passed...and I have come to the conclusion that Life Happens to SUCK without doughnuts!!

Ugh....

Two Great Loves

2010-08-13T11:22:00.000-07:00

"A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you" - Unknown

Today is a tribute to the two great loves in my life (not including my H cause he is a given) :

Auto my puppy and Chinese Chicken Salads. Ahhh Bliss....

Today I woke up as usual on a Thursday morning. The alarm went off at 6:15...hit the Snooze...then it went off again at 6:20...hit the Off (thinking it was the snooze.) Ahhh back to sleep. Then I woke suddenly looking around thinking....hmmm it seems offly light for so early in the morning...CRAP its not early...its 6:55..and I have to leave at 7:15 for work!!

Now don't get me wrong, I am a pretty low maintenance girl so this is doable most days. But aww man I did not prepare for my day the night before as usual!! I have to fit in a shower, makeup, throw a cute outfit together, grab some breakfast, pack a lunch, and let my pup Auto out (who is not a morning puppy, and moves even slower than I do in the morning, we're such soul mates teehee!).

So now I'm just in a bad mood, feeling so ugly as I never seem to have enough time to make myself look presentable, tired as all get out, mad at myself for being late AGAIN, and super frustrated that it isn't Saturday yet. So I'm sloppily put together, grabbing my purse, throwing some earrings on and I go to Auto's little house that he sleeps in, already frustrated at how long I know its gonna take him to get out and go potty and what do I find when I unzip the door...

Now I don't know about you...but this was all I needed to wash all my irritations, frustrations, and everything elses away. How can you not smile at this? I instantly forgot everything that was bothering me and laughed out loud, waking my H!! We truly could learn a thing or two from our dogs cause nobody knows how to enjoy life more than my pup Auto.

So here is to one of my two great loves in this world, Auto. It truly does not matter what else is going wrong around me...he never ceases to put a smile on my face. :)

Now for my second great love...probably could of guessed it would be a food right?

The oh so sacred Chinese Chicken Salad...

Now unless you have never ever eaten a meal with me before (which is very unlikely if you know me at all, cause God knows this girl loves to eat) than you probably already know of my love for chinese chicken salads. But for those of you who don't know...let me just explain that I am a bit of a connoisseur of them. I have had them anywhere and everywhere and could tell you everything about what makes up each of one that ever existed.

In fact, if there were a contest for being able to identify chinese chicken salads from around the globe and/or eating the most chinese chicken salad in one sitting....I would be Champion of the World.

That being said, I will continue with my day: So work was a typical long day, had to spend my lunch at the bank changing accounts and credit cards, unenthusiastically ate all my healthy packed food throughout the day (still on that diet of course), sat in a butt load of traffic on the way home, came home to a dirty house, then forced my butt to get on the treadmill for 40 minutes. Ugh...exhausted.

So once i finished working on my fitness, I came down to the kitchen to try out my new recipe for a Chinese Chicken Salad.... Now I knew this was going to go one of two ways...Disaster or Bliss.

And low and behold, I put all of the ingredients together (along with the chicken my H BBQ'd for me earlier, as I still have a fear of cooking chicken, plus he makes the BEST chicken in the world) and guess what happened...Bliss!!!!

(Here is a pic, minus the chicken...mmmm)

And I just have to admit, for a healthy version of this salad, which normally includes won tons and fatty dressing, it was DELICIOUS!! I was so proud of myself and I sat there enjoying every bite in utter happiness thoroughly enjoying my life for the moment.

So that's all it takes for me folks....my puppy Auto and a great chinese chicken salad. Ahhh Bliss...

So don't be afraid to admit your love for great things in your life (even if it is a salad). And don't forget to enjoy these simple pleasures...cause that is what makes the world go round and how a blissful

Life Happens.

Engagement Party!!

2010-08-09T14:06:00.000-07:00

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." - Emily Bronte

This weekend we had my cousin Christopher and friend Laura's engagement party at my sister's house. She and her mom threw the most beautiful party I have ever seen!! They always throw incredible parties but I think this might have been their best yet. So here are a few great shots of the amazing details and some fun party shots too. I'm so excited for two of my favorite peeps in the world to get married!! Love you guys!!

Nearly everything at this party was hand made with love by my sister and her mom and a few helpers. :)

Yes these are real cookies...not only did they look gorgeous but they were delicious too!

All homemade appetizers and dinner...so delicious and beautifully displayed.

Real plates and cloth napkins for each and every of the 100 guests there.

Guest book and hand made name tags so the 2 families and friends could get to know each other.

The very happy couple as they walked in and saw their gorgeous party for the first time!!

My beautiful sister Marlaina and husband Pat, who created this INCREDIBLE party!! Congrats Daling!! Its your best one yet I think!!

My sister Melissa and I flashing our offical name tags.

Prom pic of me and my H :)

The official toast!!

The Bride & The Bridesmaids!!

(And yes my eyes are shut but its the only pic I had...blame it on the champagne.)

The Groom, Groomsmen & Ring Bearer!!

Me and my beautiful God Daughter Presley (also the Flower girl).

A little late night jam session...until the cops came (as usual).

Caught in the act having a 1:00 am cheesecake bite...so much for the diet.

It was an awesome celebration in honor of two incredible people that are perfect for each other. Cheers to my cousin and my monkey!! Hold on tight guys, cause this is just the beginning to the crazy way your amazing Life Happens.

Not So Fair

2010-07-25T17:06:00.000-07:00

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein

So its that time of year again, the time when all of my favorite things are going on... Summertime! It's filled with all kinds of fun in the sun, BBQ's, river trips, delicious fruit, warm nights, and one of my all time favorites...THE FAIR!!

So last night we made our annual trip to the Orange County Fair and had a great time as usual. We did all my favorites things and had a super fun night with some great friends that luckily didn't mind sticking to my very adamant agenda. See I'm not your typical fair goer, in that I won't go on any of the rides (mainly due to my horrible motion sickness and partly due to a torturous experience I had on the Zipper as child.) But I do have a list of some other absolute favorite things to do while I'm there. Such as, grab a beer or two, watch my husband drop all our life savings on each every game until he conquers them, walk through the exhibits, check out all the livestock, try some fun food, and of course my ALL TIME FAVORITE WHOLE PURPOSE FOR EVEN GOING TO THE FAIR.......THE PIG RACES!!!!! Soooo fun, if you've never been you have to check it out!!

So we definitely conquered everything I set out to do and I left feeling fully satisfied with my annual fair trip. And I also felt fully satisfied in my stomach from all the fair food I devoured. See I'm not really sure how I got so darn full since I distinctly remember telling myself to take it easy on the food. Because along with my oh-so-many other problems/bad luck/neurosis, whatever you want to call them, I tend to have a very sensitive stomach. So to avoid any future problems, I decided I wasn't going to get anything for myself and settled on the idea that I would just have a bite of whatever everyone else got. That way I could avoid getting sick from eating.

Well.... it seems I tasted more than I planned because as I was hurling my brains out in the bathroom at 3 am this morning, flashes of chili cheese dogs, chili cheese fries, kettle corn, funnel cake, deep fried everything, beer, and god knows what else... were going through my head (and at risk of being too graphic, through my mouth too!)

FML...so there went a great night at the fair right down the toilet...literally. But I guess lesson learned because as my sister so directly pointed out, I'm the idiot. See, my whole theory on not buying my own food to avoid any poisoning, was pretty damn stupid, because why would my stomach care whether I bought the food or someone else did? Food poisoning is food poisoning any way you slice it, or eat it.

So as I sit on the couch with my diet sprite, surrounded by crackers and probably not smelling so hot, thinking that the fair is not so fair this year...I guess I'm just gonna chalk it up to.... Shit Happens.... oh wait, I mean Life Happens. :)

Our Wedding

2010-07-16T16:16:00.000-07:00

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

~E.E. Cummings

Here's to being so thankful for the way....Life Happens.

Ode to Auto

2010-07-01T22:49:00.000-07:00

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies." - Gene Hill

Here he is....our new pup ...Auto. :) It is about time that he get an official tribute because he is the new love of our lives. So here is my Ode to Auto:

I have to admit it definitely was love at first sight with this guy because all it took was one little look at that face staring up at me to know we were going to be best friends. And I know Eddie felt the same because we both looked at each other and it was over....he was our guy. :) So then the hard part, we had to wait 2 long weeks before we could take him home because he was such a teeny baby still. But finally our day arrived and we swooped him up and haven't let him go since!

Now this might sound a little crazy (unless you are a dog lover yourself) but as I held him in my arms on the way home, he just kept staring up at me, right into my eyes, and I couldn't take my eyes away from his either (which was kind of a problem with the combination of my motion sickness and Eddie's driving Ha Ha) but then suddenly there was this moment where I think he realized...Oh you're my Mommy! It is like it all became clear to him and he suddenly realized and trusted that I was going to love him forever. And then he relaxed. :) Now I know that might sound a little out there, but I truly believe it because I felt it in my core. And we have been in love ever since! So then there was three... :)

So since then, we have had many many adventures...some more fun than others. As far as puppies go, anyone who has had one knows that the amount of love they give you almost measures up to the amount of clean up, chasing and sleep loss you get. But even when you are stepping barefoot in a surprise puddle of pee , while looking for a missing slipper, then stumbling across your favorite sandals (no longer recognizable or functional) all while running on 3 hours of sleep, none of it seems to matter when that little face sees you and acts as though nothing in this world could possibly make him happier than you. Then it all becomes worth it.

We have had all kinds of new firsts with Auto. Some for us some for him. First toys, first tricks, first walks, first vet visits, but here Auto made his first friend...Venice.

Its amazing how quickly they learn and grow. Sometimes I get home from work and look at him and realize he got bigger while I was gone! Just since I saw him that morning, he has already changed! Its just incredible! It won't be too long before he is a dog and not a puppy anymore.

So here we are...from a peeny little baby to a 4 month old. He is starting to look like a dog and already weighs 25 lbs!!

His ears are like wild satellites!! They go in all kinds of directions and change depending on his mood. When he is riled up during the day they are on high alert just like this and cross in the middle going in all kinds of directions. But later at night, we always know when he is losing his energy because they slowly start to fall to the side and get low. So when they finally lay down low to the side and he falls asleep, we know he is done for the night. So funny!!

So our latest and greatest adventure just happened yesterday when we decided to go on our first trip to the dog park. So my Mom with her dog Bogie, Melissa with Venice, and me with Auto got all set to take our pups on a walk to the dog park. As we set out on our way, I was feeling pretty good about my puppy as he was trotting along really well and copying the other dogs and for the most part listening to everything I told him to do. Until...we got to the oh so crowded dog park...

So they have 2 sections, one for big dogs and one for small dogs. As I looked at the clientele, I suddenly realized he didn't belong in either area! He was way too small to be frolicking with the big giant labs & pit bulls and way too big to run with the little hamsters they considered to be small dogs. So I made a quick decision and decided we would try the small dog area for his first time. Boy was that a mistake! As soon as we got in there he mowed over 3 wiener dogs and some kind of gerbil looking fluff ball!! Needless to say the owner's were not happy and I got the feeling we weren't so welcome when everyone started scooping up their pups to protect them. So we cut our play time short and I wrangled Auto back out of there. But then he got himself so excited about his big trip that he proceeded to throw up all over the concrete right in front of the entrance and exit to both big and small dog areas. Oh geeze....

So it turns out we have the throw up dog at the park...guess we won't be going back there for awhile. Maybe we'll wait until he gets bigger and isn't so easily recognized. So needless to say we cut our fun short and had to round up the troops to head back home early.

So a not so successful trip to the dog park is added to our list of firsts. :)

But all in all, every day and everything we do with him makes us love him more and more. He is the most wonderful creature and brings so much life to our already lively house and marriage. I never thought anything could make Eddie and I happier with each other than we already are, but he truly does complete us. We have found our soul puppy!!!

So when my new rug is coming apart string by string due to a certain someone's puppy teeth, my couch and clothes are covered in dog hair, their are muddy paw prints on the freshly swiffered kitchen floor and I'm standing outside in my pajamas at 5 am on a Saturday because he supposedly has to potty but all we seem to be accomplishing is a belly rub....all I can do is smile and think....Life Happens. :)

The Battle

2010-06-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places." - Unknown

Ugh....well if you know me at all, you definitely know what I'm talking about when I say "The Battle," my weight of course! So here we are again on this never ending roller coaster, and unfortunately I am on the upswing this time. Sucks!! How could this have happened (again)? Just when you think you have it all figured out and those Friday doughnuts couldn't possibly hurt you, you try to put your favorite jeans on and they won't even zip! What the heck? Why does it always sneak up on you like that? Why can't there be some kind of warning that goes off to tell you "Hey Lardo, if you keep going at the rate you're at you're gonna blow up like a balloon before you know it!" But no, this doesn't happen, you never realize it until its way too late and your sitting on your closet floor crying because even your biggest mu mu dress is too tight.

So...now what? Well I guess I have to try to jump back on one of my many diets I have tried in the past, that obviously don't seem to work for very long since I'm right back where I started...AGAIN. It feels like such an unending cycle. I seriously wonder if anyone else in the world has to work this hard to be happy with themselves. How can this be fair, in order to be happy you have to make yourself miserable and suffer. What kind of sick joke is that?! I want to talk to the person in charge!!

Well I actually tried to do this in church yesterday and I have to admit, I'm not quite sure that I'm happy with the answer I got. I sat there listening (very attentively of course) to the priest as he talked about keeping your faith as you go through difficult times that you don't understand. He said that even when you are praying for something to happen or for things to get better, you can't get angry when those prayers go unanswered because you are going through whatever it is for a reason. God is trying to send you some kind of message or teach you a lesson by letting you endure your difficulties. So as I sat and listened, relating the sermon to my own life and struggles, I should have found myself comforted by those words, however, the phrase "This is bull****" continually seemed to flash through my head. Now I realize that is a completely inappropriate thought for church but I have to admit that I couldn't help it! I just can't seem to figure out what the heck I am supposed to learn from being fat and miserable! So therefore I'm pretty sure I did not properly interpret the message the priest was trying to convey. Hopefully someone else listening got something comforting out of it because it was quite lost on me. Ha Ha!

(I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell, and its gonna consist of me stuck on a treadmill made out of bread and butter.)

So anyways, I guess its time to quit complaining and get a little perspective. I'm not happy about it but I will admit that I know this is not the worst problem I could have (by a long shot.) And even worse, I'll admit its completely my fault and yes, even more, I do know that I have complete control over it. There! Fine, I said it! There is no one to blame but myself! Man that sucks, I hate when that happens. It's way easier when you get to blame someone else for your problems. :)

Time to throw on the running shoes and drop those heavenly delicious carbs, because otherwise I'm just going to keep sitting here grabbing my belly wondering where the heck it came from, whose fault it is, and watch it grow uncontrollably.

So the Battle continues!! And I'll I can say, as I unbutton the top button of my pants to allow easier breathing and deeply regret ALLLLL the "harmless" snacks along the way that seem to have gotten me here, is....oh well....Life Happens. :)

Life Happens

2010-06-08T15:43:00.000-07:00

"In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back."
~Charlie Brown

Hello Everyone,

Well here I am writing my very first blog. How did I not discover this world sooner? I have always loved to write and I have always used my writing as an outlet. So how perfect is this blog business? I am secretely super excited about it...well I guess not so secretly now, since I'm writing for all the world to see. :) But in all honesty, I really hope you guys enjoy this as much as I do.

So here is where I am at right now....newly (very happily) married, brand new puppy "Auto" at home, juggling my marriage, job, puppy, family, friends, racing, working out, cleaning, traveling, breathing, you name it and I'm pretty sure its on my plate. But as busy as my life may be...I wouldn't change a thing. I love everything about it and I always try to pack in as much as possible. I think that's what they mean when they say "Live your life to the fullest". I don't know exactly who "they" are but my life sure is full!

So although most days I probably fall way short of the person I'm trying to be and want to be, I'm doing my best to get there and do it all. And I think its ok to fall short, because it just makes me push a little harder the next day to be better. But even when I'm not, I find that someone loves me anyway and I guess that is the whole point of all this right...so the shortcomings just don't matter. It's the love that really counts. And my cup runneth over!!

So I guess all I have to say about the rest of it is....Life Happens. :)